It Must Be Friday
by LibraMoon
Summary: Bruce ponders something Alfred observed. Maybe he was just tired of the same old song and dance... or maybe... he wanted to see other villains.
1. Chapter 1

**I have no idea what I'm doing. YAY!**

**Rated well, at least T for right now. May change. **

**I own nothing.**

OoOoOo

'_Master Wayne, has it not occurred to you Sir, that the Joker is rather __**possessive**__ of you?'_

Bruce Wayne, known only to his enemies as 'Batman', pondered that question. He pondered it rather lengthily do to his current situation of being chained to a chair, and they were rusting if he wasn't mistaken. Here he sat, as far as he could tell, in a dimly lit abandoned warehouse _somewhere_ in Gotham.

Strangely, there seemed to be so many buildings like this…

His eyes flicked from left to right, continuous movement so as not to miss an approaching predator. His wrists ached, and he was certain at least one knuckle was broken in his hand. '_Well,'_ he thought acerbically, '_that breaks up the monotony, I suppose.'_

"Oh-ho. Ah-ha. He he he," a voice snickered in the darkness to his left.

The Joker.

"Batsy! Oh how I have missed this," he half-cackled in mad delirium. His wet tongue sliding out to lick dry lips. "Did you miss me?"

"Not particularly," Batman replies gravelly, muscles coiled and straining against their confines. His breaths became heavier as he struggled.

"Ah ah ah, now that's not very nice," a pout followed by a Cheshire grin.

He's in a rare mood tonight, and frankly Batman almost doesn't care. It's always the same with Joker. A bad pun here, some sick and twisted plot there, followed finally by Batman locking him up only for him to escape again.

Talk about a revolving door situation.

Batman resisted the urge to hang his head in frustration. The words of Alfred hung in his thoughts and refused to leave. However, The Joker was still a very dangerous criminal capable of nearly anything. Really, he was capable of anything. Part of the problem in capturing him was his spontaneity and, grudgingly admitted, intelligence.

The air shifted behind him just a bit, and Batman felt a chill race up his spine.

"Wh-where am I?" The voice was feminine and decidedly breathy. He was not quite certain how the unknown woman could be out of breath considering she had likely been sitting behind him this whole time. So perhaps it was fear? Batman mentally ticked off all the physical responses to this current situation that could see him and this woman to safety.

"Oh isn't this fun?" A pale face loomed in his vision, eyes dancing manically with a grin far too wide. It was both gruesome and slightly hypnotic. There was a presence about this man, whoever he truly was.

Bruce Wayne was a charismatic playboy without qualms of morality to pester him. Batman was a pillar of righteousness that would drag Gotham out of the muck it had fallen into.

Right now, he was having a hard time deciding who to be. He was dressed in his black garb, and yet, Bruce simmered to the surface. It unsettled him, and at the same time gave him a brief reprieve. Thoughts whirling as he gazed at the mad man with bright green hair. They had done this song and dance countless times now. Truly, he had lost count.

So why?

"Look, I've been meaning to talk to you," His attitude was that of Batman, voice and posture included. However it was Bruce who was talking.

Startled, Joker turned a look of question and surprise settled over his features. "Bat-"

"See, the thing is, I know about your last stunt with Gotham's finest Police force," Batman continued on as if he hadn't spoken.

"Are you… are you _Jealous_?" His eyes were brighter than his hair, red greasy lips pulled back in saccharine smile. Lips warping into a mocking leer to finally settle on a snarl of distaste. "Oh that is just… uh… _precious_."

"No," Bruce-Batman answers honestly, hands working frantically at his restraints, "that's just it. It made this easier."

A knife clatters to the floor, one Batman knew the Joker had been holding but hadn't had the chance to disarm him of yet.

The Joker scowls, eyes narrowing unforgivingly. "What?" The question is a demand, the tone harsh and violent.

A warning.

Bruce does not heed it. Batman is unimpressed by it.

"You decided to turn this," Bruce grasped for straws. There was something between them. A strange sort of rival dance to the death and they each danced the steps to perfection. He is interrupting the pattern, and he knows it.

The Joker stares at him, as if in understanding to the things they never say. The things Joker cackles madly about and preens over. Batman has often been sickened by it. Bruce understands a business aspect and the oddities of attraction.

Now is not the time to reflect on that though. There is still a woman to save and in his strange moods, Joker is as likely to try and kill him as he is to slap a waitress in France for bringing him blueberry pancakes. ' _Which_,' now that Bruce thought about it, '_is highly likely actually_._'_

Batman draws a deep breath of stale cold air. The distant sounds of a harbor brush past his ears with little notice. "Into something other than _exclusive_." If it is an accusation, he doesn't pay any mind to it. If his voice is just a touch too sharp, it is the cold more than anything else.

Unease flitters across the Joker's face, and he returns it to his customary happy-go-lucky grin. "What are you saying, Batsy?" The warning is back in his voice, his movements like a snake poised to strike. He elegantly draws the knife up from the floor, his eyes fixed on the back of the woman's head. Dangerous and cold. His tongue darts out again, his face twitches.

Batman notices with interest. This is bothering the Joker.

He casts his eyes heaven-ward and for a moment contemplates continuing this strange course of action. Bruce is fine with it. Batman should feel grateful that Joker has been targeting someone other than him, but there is a bitter taste to it.

"I feel we've grown apart," the words feel thick in his mouth. "We just aren't working anymore." He's heard them numerous times from the women he had at one point wanted in his life. Now, here he was in a dingy warehouse, chained, and spouting such things to The Joker of all people.

Not that he was the girl in…. whatever the hell they were.

He was going to stop thinking about that. It was best kept firmly ignored until the day he died. Which could come to pass sooner than he'd anticipated if Joker flipped a gasket, such as Batman was expecting.

The knife glitters under the florescent light, even if it is dim. Batman looks at his enemy straight in the eyes. Joker's face twitches a few times, before he runs a hand through his limp green hair. His yellow teeth are bared in a vicious imitation of a smile. His sharp eyes are piercing and nearly glowing.

With something Batman has no wish to delve into. Something Bruce has seen a time or two before, but never this intense.

When the words come, they are whisper-soft. "Grown apart?"

"I want to see other villains." The cliché words tumble from his lips like water, and he cannot seem to stop them.

The Joker is flabbergasted.

Batman sighs, and the effort is great. His lungs are burning along with his racing heartbeat.

"Oh honey," the previously silent woman simpers gently, "I think you are getting dumped."

Joker's head snaps in her direction, his eyes strangely lighted. "No no no, ah ha. Clever, there Batsy, but you and me…we…uh…_need_ each other. You, he he he… you wouldn't go and-"

The urge to laugh wells inside Batman and he clamps down on it tightly, refusing to allow it to escape. He sets his jaw firmly in irritation. As if the Batman couldn't get another villain whenever he felt like it. "His name is Owlman, and he's from the Crime Syndicate of America. It's an alternate reality thing. He's from reverse Earth-three." Bruce finds this all vastly amusing. Joker is startled so badly that he opens and closes his mouth several times.

Batman wonders vaguely if the human face is supposed to twitch that much.

"If you don't believe me, check the papers." It was old news to him by now, but the Gotham city news had been buzzing with the events that had transpired six days ago. Owlman had unsettle Batman slightly. It was as if he had been able to glimpse what he might have become had he faltered into the path of darkness.

The Joker snaps out in a booming voice for some nameless, and for the most part faceless, lackey to get him every newspaper they can find. The insane wretch hops to attention and does his bidding. Joker turns a frosty smile on Batman, and walks into the dark shadows of the warehouse.

"You know," the woman behind his whispers conspiratorially, "from all the stuff I've heard about _the Joker_, he's taking this really well."

Bruce would almost agree. Batman stoically says nothing for he is too focused on the threat still in the room.

"I didn't even know you guys could switch villains like that."

He shrugs a shoulder, only half listening to her anyway as a metal chair is drug across a concrete floor. The Joker sets it about twenty feet from him, and sits down cordially. His face is hard, and his eyes are like ice.

It seems like ages before the lackey comes back with his hair in disarray clutching an arm load of newspapers. The lackey ambles over to the Joker, arms outstretched with their prize, and Joker snatches the papers. He settles himself in, green hair hanging limply over parts of his face. His eyes devour the words, as he ironically looks as if he is sitting down to a family breakfast.

Batman watches the Joker's lips quirk up a few times, a chuckle or two escapes, before he grips the paper tightly eyes wandering up to look at Batman, then back down to scowl at the articles. When he loses control and stabs the paper with a knife, Batman knows he read the latest gossip about how Owlman was going to be replacing the Joker.

It would appear that the Joker doesn't like the idea at all.

"Unacceptable!" He roars in the stillness. "This… this _trash_, thinks he can just _come in_… and!"

'_Master Wayne, has it not occurred to you Sir, that the Joker is rather possessive of you_?' The question lingers stronger now as the Joker flies into a full out rant. Stabbing one of his henchmen in the stomach and twisting it. The woman behind Batman screams in horror.

Batman checks the urge to roll his eyes, this was nothing new.

The Joker pauses, turns and stares at Batman. His eyes raging in fury, indignation, and that _possessiveness _Alfred had referred to_._ Leave it to Batman to get all the crazies.

"Batsy," the tone is pleading and anxious which is strange when juxtaposed with the anger in his eyes, "you can't be interested in _that!_" the last part is a scream that causes Batman to wince. The woman sobs uncontrollably behind him.

Batman sniffs the air in hurt dignity. It was an alternate him after all. He turned his head to the side and refused to look at the Joker. "I want to see other villains."

The Joker bounces on his feet in open agitation, arms akimbo. His henchmen look strangely uncomfortable. Bruce has no idea what the hell is going on, and Batman is always prepared.

This whole situation is crazy, and yet, the Joker is responding to it.

"Is this because of the police chief?" Joker half-growls and half-whines, he takes a few steps closer to Batman before stopping suddenly. "I won't touch him again, I swear."

Batman shoots him a dirty look, his voice rasping "I know better than to trust you, Joker."

"See?" His face forms into a creepy kind look of fondness that makes Bruce want to shower for a month. "You know me so well Bats!"

"I think we should-"

"Bats, be reasonable."

"I am being perfectly reasonable. I don't think this is working out."

"What are you talking about? I've got you chained in a warehouse about to kill some innocent … well, somewhat innocent woman."

Said woman gives a strangled cry of terror.

Joker eyes her. "I know what you did Thursday, and believe me Bats, she-"

"Owlman-"

"No!" it's a feral shout of denial. "Don't you say his name."

Batman leans in closer to the purple suited-maniac. "Owwwwlllllmaaaannn," he rumbles lowly.

The effect is instantaneous. Rage. Pure and simple.

"I'll kill Owlman. I will. You're _mine."_

It's snarled in Batman's face with yellow teeth gleaming.

How strange.

Shouts and snarls rend the air. Joker is actually planning to kill the nemesis that has had Batman tied up in loops for days now. Owlman's whereabouts were still unknown and if Batman couldn't track him down…

Well…

"Fine," the dark knight states with finality, "if you can defeat Owlman I won't end our… arch rivalry."

You'd think he had just blown up a basket of kittens by the way Joker beamed at him. Eyes glowing once more he stalked forward. The tip of his knife caressing Batman's cheek very nearly tenderly.

"Did he uh… touch you at all?"

Batman stares at him uncomprehending.

"Marks? Bruises? Anything like that?" The questions are deceptively clam, and only Batman can see the storm waging in them.

He nods once, refusing to go into more detail about a handful of bruises and one broken rib. A token from Owlman.

Joker giggles, actually giggles, but it is a frightening sound that causes even Batman to pause.

"I'm gonna kill him _slow._"

Batman watches as Joker drops the knife again, it clatters to the ground once more as the green-haired man ducks out the only visible door. Batman blinks as Jokers henchmen follow. The sound of the woman sobbing behind him continues.

"He's crazy!" She exclaims before dissolving back into hysterics.

Yeah… he already knew that.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you so much for the reviews! I hope you enjoy this next installment. I own nothing :D**

OoOoOo

It wasn't that Bruce was _on edge_, so much as Batman was wary. There was something going on, and he didn't doubt in the slightest that whatever it was, it was going to be bad.

Not that it didn't stand to reason when absolute quite from the Joker was normally a sign that he would be popping up soon to do something. Batman nearly sighed. It was once again becoming the same song and dance. Though Bruce outwardly didn't care all that much, the reprieve was a welcomed sabbatical from the norm, he still wanted to get all of this over with. That went nearly double for Batman.

It also did not bode well that all the Gotham papers had nothing better to do than to print, in a rather large and eye-catching font, about how strange it was to have a lull of peace.

As if that didn't just go and invite in trouble.

It had been four days and eerily slow nights since he had freed himself along with some woman from an abandoned warehouse on the harbor. Leased to some corporation, that of course, couldn't be traced back to Joker. In fact, Batman would have been surprised had the owner even remembered it belonged to them. He'd turned the property to code enforcement via an anonymous tip because he hadn't wanted the entire night to be a waste. He had gone out of his way to drag himself out into the night to protect the city; that was Bruce though. Batman had seen it as his duty to be what the city needed, even at the expense of his free time, health, life, ect.

The list went on and on.

Bruce understood this from a necessary aspect, yet it still chaffed sometimes when people blamed the Batman for all their problems to his face. Though, in truth, they had no idea they were actually complaining to Batman. Bruce scratched his head, which had begun to itch under the force of trying to control his annoyance and concern.

Still, something was off.

Not only had Joker left him alone; no that would have been nearly rational if he were off chasing Owlman. Which, he still had no information if that had been successful or not. No, it was strange that all the regular villains of Gotham seemed to be giving him a wide berth. At first he had thought they were mired deep in some sinister plots, however, those usually were made known through his alias in the underground.

Perhaps he had put on the mantle of the Batman for too long, because it seemed almost as if they were avoiding him.

Therefore he had been both pleased and dismayed to hear about the jewel heist taking place at one of Gotham's most renowned stores. Bruce had quickly dawned his armor and mask. His blood pumped and thrummed with excitement for the battle to come. There was always some small thrill in thwarting the face of evil in his precious city.

The streets are dark and to the untrained eye they look barren. The wind caresses his face as he drives through the streets, wondering not for the first time to night what is going to happen.

The scene that greats him is the same as a thousand others he's seen. Broken glass, alarms blaring, and a lithe figure running away into the darkness. Bruce knows those shapely legs, and ruby red lips. Wide and seductive eyes watch him with an enumeration of emotions.

He dismounts with ease, from his vehicle. His voice pitched low and ready for a fight.

"What are you doing Ivy? This isn't your style."

The red head blushes slightly, plump lips pulled into a pout. Her eyes downcast as she looks unwilling to stop and have this sort of talk with Gotham's crusader. She bites her lip an apologetic sort of shrug gives him all the warning he is going to get.

Feet land gracefully behind him. Batman whirls around to see the very villain he's been hunting. Someone just as dangerous, if in a different way, as the Joker. However, Owlman is a new threat, something outside of the day to day which causes Bruce to feel a thread of excitement.

"Sorry Batman," Poison Ivy quietly says behind him, "He's not exactly someone you say no to." Bruce can feel her discomfort. "I wouldn't have given in, but he torched some of _my babies_. This was the only way to save the rest."

Batman gave her a cursory glance over his shoulder. "But you want him gone, don't you."

He sees it in her eyes. _Fear_. She will be no threat to Owlman. This deranged version of himself is too frightening, too violent, for Poison Ivy to take one on one. She steps back, into the shadows, and Batman knows she will disappear. The signal was given by Owlman, and Batman comes face to face with… himself.

"Owlman," he grounds out menacingly, "stooping to petty theft? I would have thought you above that."

"Batman," the sinister eyes bore into him. Gleaming white teeth flashed in the florescent lights around them. "How good it is to see you again."

The thrum of excitement in his veins heightens as he readies himself to take on a worthy opponent. "Owlman-"

"_Batman_," the one word is stressed by an all too familiar voice into a warning. Clear and simple.

A flash of purple is caught underneath the nearest streetlight. The pale face of a twisted clown with bright red lips that have haunted many a nightmare in Gotham, comes into view.

Bruce releases a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. Batman blinks in reaction. '_This is unexpected_,' he thinks mildly, '_has he been following me? Or Owlman_?'

The Joker waves at him and Batman huffs. Bruce is both embarrassed, and amused.

Batman clears his throat awkwardly. Owlman glares harshly, drawing himself up to his full and imposing height. His expression is slightly put-off.

"Who are you?" If Owlman sounds indignant and perhaps a touch upset, Batman pretends he doesn't notice.

This is… there really are no words to describe this. Bruce thinks candidly that perhaps awkward might come close.

"Me?" The Joker bats his eyes once, the tick in his cheek twitching wildly. "Go a head and tell him Batman. Tell him who I am."

Batman resists the urge to roll his eyes. He cannot believe he is actually considering doing this, but he'd rather get the crazy circus over with sooner rather than later. So he obliges.

"Owlman, this is the Joker. Joker, this is Owlman."

"And?" The Joker prompts with a vicious smile, which chills even Batman to the core.

"And what?" Batman quips.

The Joker's smile morphs into a fierce frown as he glares at Batman. His eyes shining with a peculiar sort of madness tonight. "And," he states forcefully, "I'm Batman's arch rival."

"You've got to be kidding," Owlman bites out caustically.

"Not tonight Buck-o. I don't know what you see in him Bats. He's just so serious." The Joker returns deadly seriously until he bursts out in peals of laughter. His gaze resting solely on Batman.

Oh, great.

"I can't leave you alone for a moment, can I?" A cackle of insane laughter flows from the source of the question. His lips twist into a frown, the grotesque scars making it seem all the more frightening.

"You remind me of someone," Owlman smoothly chimes in, his features sharp and predatory.

"Hmph," Joker replies giving a face of disinterest, his eyes gleaming at Batman with that same _possession_ he glimpsed before. The clown eyes Owlman up and down, openly leering at him. "Sorry, but you just don't do the things for me that Bats here does."

Bruce resists the urge to snap out that it wasn't the way Owlman was thinking by the rapacious stare leveled in his direction. Batman nearly shivered in disgust. There were so many things that were disconcerting about this situation; he cannot begin to fathom where to start.

The clown pulls himself up to his full height, insane eyes and lewd smile wide, his baring is dangerous.

"Are you trying to take _my_ Batsy? Ha ha ha." The words are cold and there is a threat of death in them. "That's not funny," he licks his dry lips. Yellow teeth bared in a snarl. "Not funny at all."

Batman watches cautiously, and Bruce cannot help but feel he is caught in the middle of a catfight over him. No pun to Catwoman intended.

Bruce is highly offended when Joker comes to stand in front of him. As a human wall between Batman and Owlman. A wall in a purple suit with greasy green hair, and a smile that doesn't reach his cold eyes. Batman feels his skin prickle. There is danger and he is looking directly at it.

Owlman, for his part, grins in obvious enjoyment. His sinister gaze flickers from Joker to Batman once, then twice. The usurper's posture is relaxed, calm even, as he surveys the Joker. Batman realizes Owlman sees the danger Joker can present and is exhilarated by it. Welcomes it, and Bruce feels a knot of worry form in his stomach. This will not be good for Gotham.

"You've given me quite the …uh… runaround _Owlman_," the name is drawn out like a curse. "You've caught the eye of Gotham's own… he he he… dark knight." In a move faster than Batman had ever witnessed, Joker draws closer, knife in hand glinting in the florescent street lights. "I don't… I don't like that."

His neck twists as he tries to turn nearly upside down looking at Owlman, waggling his finger like a mother chastising a naughty child "See, there's something you're clearly missing. The…uh… Batman, yeah. The Batman, he's _my_ nemesis. "

The fist is delivered into Joker's face before Batman can blink. The clown's insane laughter drifts as he flies backward, and a distinct 'wee' is heard as he lands in a heap across the street.

"Oh," The Joker all but purrs as he gets back up wiping the dust off his suit. He waggles a finger at Owlman. "I'm going to like you. Did I strike a nerve? " He asks patronizingly, putting his arms behind his back with a indulgent smile. "No, no. I get it. Reeeaaallly I do. But, you see thing is Bats and I, we're destined to do this-" he makes a gesture at them both and Bruce internally groans, "forever. So, he's _mine_. It's so hard to find a good rival these days… and uh… I have no intention of giving up _mine_." His tongue darts out to lick his lips once more with a nervous facial tick in his cheek.

"You're pathetic." Owlman growls out, eyes darting toward Batman who is almost inclined to shrug sheepishly, toward the Joker.

"Ohh oh oh oh, Now you want to talk?" Joker taunts, his laughter booming across the street. "The whole 'silent and brooding bit, huh? I've seen that plenty of times." He scowls unforgivingly. "That's boring."

Batman glowers, and Bruce has had about all he's willing to take. There are also the jewels that Ivy has stolen for some reason or another to consider, and Batman intends to find out what the purpose of them is. He flips his cloak back and mounts his vehicle again, barely sparing a glance toward either Owlman or the Joker.

"Leaving so soon? I thought we might do some catching up." Owlman's sharp gaze pierces Batman, who gives a grin in return as the Joker balks about the familiar way Owlman addresses Batman. Satisfied that he has the hero's attention, he continues "Or am I babysitting your little clown companion?"

"Batsy?" The Joker's voice is harsh, and Bruce knows he is upset. No doubt in Joker's mind he had an entire play set up to…

Well, keep would be an accurate word…Batman.

"And what makes you think I'm little?" A waggle of brows Batman can almost hear, and he knows by now that Joker is smoothing back his hair to look presentable, for lack of a better word. "You are an interesting one, aren't you?" The clap of hands, the sound of fabric rubbing together announces to Batman, that the Joker is toughly enjoying himself. He would. It's anarchy at its finest.

OoOoOo

When he finally corners her, it's in a graveyard of all places and he doesn't even want to think about how clichéd that seems.

Then again, it always seemed to be like this with them.

Them being the insane criminals of Gotham City, of course. Bruce was wondering if he shouldn't simply move to Los Angeles, and fight a different sort of crazy.

Oh, that was a good one. He would have to remember to tell that one to Alfred.

Ivy walks slowly into a pool of moonlight, her red hair shining attractively. Her pretty face seems strangely open for a deranged woman hell-bent on re-foresting every square inch of soil on the planet.

"Look, I didn't even want to steal the stupid jewels," irritation and disgust dances across her face.

"Then why did you?"

She places her hands on her hips, one side jutting out to strike a pose. "I already told you. Owlman isn't the type of guy you say 'no' to."

Batman never takes his eyes off of her; he steps quietly to gain a defensive position. Ivy often liked to attack from behind, and he makes sure not to come within close range of any trees. He cannot much help being on the grass, unless he wants to start waltzing on top of headstones.

"What does Owlman want with the jewels?"

She sighs loudly, rubbing her temples with one green-clothed hand.

"Batman, I really don't want to get in the middle of this."

"What is '_this_', exactly?"

She levels a stare at him, as if her look alone could brand him the world's largest idiot for even asking. "It's pretty obvious to all of us," she inclines her head and Bruce notes her slender yet graceful neck, "_criminals_ that you and Joker are in the middle of a-"

Batman glares at her harshly with eyes that harden in a heartbeats' time.

Ivy laughs, the sound is throaty and seductive. "No need to get all up in arms, dear Batman. I was only going to say quarrel, " she states coyly, with her vividly green eyes glistening with unvoiced amusement, and her cupid's bow shaped mouth is pulled back into a sweet smile.

"That doesn't answer the question. What is Owlman up to?" The Dark Knight has taken full possession and demands the answers. The more information he has; the better to save lives with.

Poison Ivy seems to deflate under the question. Her amusement vanishes into thin air, as if it were never there. She regards him somberly. "I honestly don't know."

"But even if you did?"

A soft pout gives him all the answers she doesn't say. "I'm no tattle-tale Batman. You ought to know by now that my lips… are for far more than trading secrets." She draws closer, and Bruce revels in her raw femininity, while Batman once again believes he attracts the crazies.

Sometimes, it was good to be Batman. This was not one of those times. He was not going to be fooled by a pair of willing eyes and… lips. Batman is unmoved. Bruce is wondering why he hasn't been knighted for sainthood yet.

Oh, that's right. Bruce is a playboy. That is all he needs to be. Batman is so much more.

Her hands trail up his abdomen, and Batman tenses under his armor. She is dangerous. She is a criminal.

"Well, well, well… what have we got here?" Batman can almost, almost feel his eyes cross at the timing. Of course. The Joker.

He seemed to be everywhere tonight.

"I know you like…uh… flowers, beautiful, " Joker's voice is like crushed glass, and he stalks closer with his scars making the eerie grin on his face just that much more grotesque. "But um… you can't have mine."

Bruce feels indignation blaze up his spine.

Joker did not just compare him to a damn flower.


	3. Chapter 3

**I own nothing. Thanks so much for the reviews XD**

**OoOoOo**

Bruce wonders vaguely if this is what hell is like.

"Aren't you supposed to be getting Owlman?" Batman's voice is guttural and he hides the trace of irritation well.

The Joker laughs deeply, wild eyes glinting and white make up standing out in stark protrusion against the landscape. Batman can already see a slight swelling in several areas of the Joker's face, and he can tell one leg has been injured by the tell-tale limp as Joker moves toward them.

"He…uh… had a prior engagement." A slow and wide smile baring yellow teeth is aimed at Batman. "Don't worry. We uh… aren't done just yet."

The conviction in his voice sends a chill down Batman's spine.

"He beat you and then left," Batman states, the fact that he is impressed by his other self makes its way into his voice.

Unfortunately, a sadistic clown takes notice.

The purple-suited maniac draws himself up, the eerily good natured care-free attitude is gone instantly, and Bruce realizes that Joker is showing his true colors again. "Nothing," the clown hisses dangerously low, "has been decided yet, Batman."

It seems Bruce is racking up the warnings, but Batman takes no heed in threats that come from a blow to someone's pride.

Joker swings his fury toward Ivy, who likely, is still too close to the caped crusader. "Ah ah ah," Joker exclaims sinisterly, and Ivy blanches. "I don't appreciate-"

"I'm quite a few things," Ivy interrupts cordially, with ruby lips pulled into a thin smile, "but a home wrecker is not on the list."

Batman stiffens then glowers, and Joker stares her down in concentration before cackling madly.

"I like you Red," Joker grins smarmily. "But still, hands of the Bat."

Ivy nods in mute understanding, the graveyard becoming too full of live people for one night and already too full of the dead.

The Joker frowns, eyes wild. "I'm coming on too strong, aren't I?"

"Just a tad," Ivy smirks, amused.

"But Red," Joker half-whines as he throws his hands up in exasperation, "I've restrained from killing anyone for _four days!_" His hands clench as he brings them back down to his sides, he gives her a look that suggests Batman has been unreasonable.

Bruce doesn't think he has.

"Four days!" The Joker reiterates with greasy lips smacking at the end of his statement.

Ivy, for her part, seems to enjoy this far more than Batman would like. "Well, that is a very long time for you."

"I've been an angel," the Joker quips, nodding his head hard enough to make his hair fly in all directions. He places his hands on his hips, and mutters to himself. Bruce notes that the eyes twitch is back again.

That could be a problem later.

"With all that pent up frustration," Ivy consoles gently, "perhaps you aren't looking at this the right way."

Joker's eyes narrow harshly, and that dangerous glint is back in them. His voice drops an octave, yet is rather calm. "What do you mean…uh… Red?"

Ivy raises her hands and gently takes one step back from Joker, who is looking more and more like a deranged wild animal. "I just mean, perhaps you are distracted. What made you and Batman rivals in the first place?"

"I killed people."

Ivy blinks, "Yes, but… besides that."

"I killed…uh… _a lot_ of people."

"I think you're missing the point."

"So," Joker looks off into space for a moment, "You're saying I should.. he he he… kill _a lot_ of people again? Oh, I like that. Ha ha ha."

She inclines her head gently. "Maybe, you should just start with one."

"IVY," Batman booms out in harsh reprimand.

Bright green eyes focus on him, and she has the nerve to give a surprised look. "What? It's not like he's going to kill me."

Her ruby red lips pull into a seductive smile, and Bruce can tell it is on the borderline of gloating. "Or you."

Batman says nothing as he reaches for his cuffs. Ivy is still responsible for the jewel robbery. "I have to take you in, Ivy," he growls softly, moving forward he expects a fight.

She does not give him one. Ivy turns toward him and extends both wrists, a subtle gesture of submission to his will. Bruce tries valiantly not to have several perfectly male thoughts, because Batman is not like that and this woman is an insane criminal who has tried on several occasions to kill him.

"Bats, this isn't going to get any better if we don't talk about it," The joker chides with force, causing Bruce to feel the urge to throttle him. "Even I have been in Arkham enough to know _that_."

Batman stoically ignores him, though his urge to beat his head against a wall is steadily climbing. He can already tell Joker doesn't like that by the sneer that forms on his face. Bruce finds this whole affair to be tedious as well as embarrassing. Batman wonders why he even bothers. However, he is what Gotham needs and he will never abandon his city in their time of need. This, remarkably, seemed to be always.

"You're coming without a fight?" Batman asks Ivy in undisguised suspicion.

She nods with a wry smile. "I don't want to be anywhere _he_ will have an easy time getting to me."

Batman nods, and his concern over the situation intensifies. Poison Ivy was willing to go to jail without a fight to escape his reverse self. If he is more impressed, he pretends it is nothing.

"Joker," Ivy calls out as Batman places the cuffs around her wrists, "you might have better luck if you were more… subtle."

"Subtle?" The Joker's demeanor perks up and he taps a finger to his chin in deep thought. "That's not uh… really my style."

Ivy quirks an eyebrow, clearly amused, "If your noticing that Batman's attention has strayed-"

"How embarrassing for you two," Batman recedes slightly and Bruce takes his place though the voice is still wholly Batman's, "I'm right here."

Both villains spare him a cursory glance and Ivy has the slight grace to blush but continues on, "to someone who is more… commanding, don't try to emulate that. Try to be what he is lacking."

"Batman is not lacking anything," Joker rises to his defense angrily with such force in his voice that Ivy flinches.

Bruce wonders why he feels mildly flattered by the statement, before crushing that absurd thought to focus on the fact he is still in a graveyard with two dangerous serial killers. So, perhaps Ivy wasn't as bad as the Joker, but she still had killed her fair share of men.

That made her attempting to kiss him just a touch more awkward.

"I don't really have the time to be subtle Red. Batsy is being unreasonable."

"I am not being unreasonable," Batman snaps out before he can stop himself. He draws in a deep breath and counts to ten. It was like dealing with children, who would have to be incredibly psychotic, but children all the same.

Ivy gives them both a confused look, as the Joker points a finger at Batman dramatically. His sneer deepening as he licks his dry lips. His face twitches. "He's trying to _leave_."

Ivy's eyes widen and she gives a small gasp. Her body sways toward him as her green eyes stare deeply into his. "I knew you two were at odds, but I didn't think it was _that_ serious." Her lips thin into a line of worry. "What happened?"

Batman feels more indignant than he can ever previously recall. He hates this graveyard, and he wants to kill the Joker. In fact, it is a rather close call that he will feel shame over tomorrow. Bruce hides behind the Batman persona and declines to say anything.

Ivy realizes he will not say anything, and looks down sharply. "Does Catwoman know?"

It is the elephant in the room for all of them. Joker hisses, loudly at Ivy for mentioning the woman. Batman feels like he has been hit in the stomach with a cattle prod. If Joker wasn't nearly unbearable before…

"A thief?" Joker bellows in outrage, still laughing but the tones are hollow with fury lacing them. "You were going to replace me with a _thief_? I thought you had standards Batman!"

Batman glares at him, and jerks Ivy slightly closer because if Joker goes off they are both in danger. Ivy seems to sense this and stays mercifully quiet.

"No, I already told you-"

"Is it just Owlman? Or is it Catwoman too?" The Joker is screeching and it makes Batman wince at the decibel.

Batman groans internally and shoots Ivy a look; she is occupied trying to look anywhere but Batman.

"You hussy!" Joker points an accusing finger before drawing a knife concealed in his coat pocket. The blade winks at Batman coyly. The Joker's face is contorting with so many emotions and ticks Batman cannot place them. He puts Ivy behind him and she stays.

"Sorry, Batman," She whispers contritely, he doesn't doubt it's because now the Joker has gone into a rage.

He would glower at her more, but Joker has moved forward instead of bringing the knife near him, as Batman had anticipated, he makes a quick jab to the face. Batman grunts in pain, but recovers quickly, trying to protect Ivy as best as he can.

"Shouldn't you be out there getting Owlman, Joker?" Batman calmly questions again. Insane eyes narrow at him.

"Why, uh... should I?" His face ticks harshly, and his yellow teeth are grit together. "You're out with every Owl, cat, and Ivy."

"Hey!" Said Red-head cries out indignantly.

"Stay out of this Ivy," Batman cautions. He turns his eyes to Joker's face. Rage, jealousy, and indignation blaze behind his gaze. Just great.

Bruce is far more socially capable than Batman, so it is of some shock value when he reads that Joker is truly upset by this. It's not a little melodrama. It made Batman's skin crawl.

Batman knows he needs to keep him off balance to stay alive, and Bruce knows just how to do that.

"I expected more from you Joker."

"Quiet you caped-tramp."

Batman's lips twitch as he represses a smile. That was certainly a new one. "You're really going to go there?" batman rasps out in aggravation. "You're the one that was taking on Gotham's police force and the _mafia_ first."

Joker snarls and it rends the air, and causes Ivy to jump behind him as he dodges another flurry of blows. Batman lands a solid kick to Joker's shoulder which sends him tumbling to the ground. The knife clatters and Joker scrambles for his weapon.

"Don't try to… ha ha ha… turn this around Bats!" The maniacal laugh causes batman to cringe and tense for the next strike. "You've been catting around! With a cat no less! He he he." Hew giggles as if he's made some grand joke and Ivy looks concerned between the pair.

Batman punches him hard.

"Oh how I've waited for this!" The Joker crows loudly. Hacking up blood and spittle along with his laughter.

"You're a sick man, Joker." Batman states the obvious, as if it might actually take hold in his mind.

"Now now," Joker cackles, "buttering me up with flattery will get you nowhere bats."

The Joker draws a long breath. "And to think, I was concerned about you Batman." A mock pout and fake tone greet Batman's ears. He darts forward again.

However, Bruce has had about all he's going to take. He's not the girl in this situation… whatever it is and he's certainly no stranger to madness by this point. Yet, it seems to take a new form as his patience draws to an end.

"I know," Batman growls out loudly, "about Harley."

The knife which had been about to imbed itself into his midsection via the Joker suddenly stops. Two sets of wide eyes stare at him.

Ivy simpers softly. "Oh Batman."

Joker stands frozen staring after Batman as he collects Ivy, who gives a very nasty look toward the Joker. Batman refuses to turn to face him as they exit the graveyard.

A killer clown looking oddly displeased.

OoOoOo

The next night, the Bat signal blazes across the sky. He answers the call, as he always does. His black boots making nary a sound as he lands gracefully outside the police building, specifically the Commissioner's office ledge.

The window slides open with a soft 'clack'.

"Batman," Chief Commissioner Gordan says worriedly, "we have a problem."

Batman tenses at the words, but his face remains impassive. The wind grabs at his cape and plays with it softly. He is the essence of a Dark Knight.

"We had a body delivered today to the police station," the man continues awkwardly. "That's not so out of the ordinary, it's… just… well…"

"What is it Commissioner?"

"It was addressed to you."

Batman feels his blood run cold.

"And the body had a radio in the stomach; it was playing 'Baby Come Back'. You um… you wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you?"

Bump. Bump. Bump.

"Do you hear that thumping?"

Batman pulled his head away from the stone wall and very nearly sighed. What fresh hell was this? He tells Gordan he'll get to the bottom of it. Internally he groans. Damn Ivy.

This was the Joker being 'subtle'.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Thanks so much for those that reviewed! Glad you like it so far. **

**Rated M. I own nothing.**

OoOoOo

Frankly, he's starting to wonder just how long he can ignore it.

As he roughly shoves the newest low-life into the waiting hands of Commissioner Gordon, it does not escape Batman's notice that all the police officers are strangely quiet. And he feels the inside of his cheek twitch when one smothers a laugh as an attempt at coughing.

He's Batman, he knows the difference.

He resists the urge to narrow his eyes at the unsuspecting Officer that has caught the attention of Gotham's Dark Knight.

"Great work as usual Batman," Gordon tells him with sincerity and Bruce relaxes under his cowl slightly. However the look of embarrassment stops Batman from replying too quickly.

"He won't be the last," he rasps with dignity and finality.

"No, sadly he won't be." Gordon turns and barks a few order for a couple of officers to take the thug in for processing. The white haired man turns back toward the vigilante with some hesitance. "You uh…you have a package. The bomb squad already checked it over once we saw who it was from."

Bruce could swear he feels his eyelids twitch in agitation. However, Batman calmly extends his hands for the box which has been resting benignly at Gordon's desk. It is simple enough. A plain cardboard box, with red markings which on closer inspection turn out to be insane smiling lips and someone scribbled in teeth. It reminds him of the cover of 'Rocky Horror Picture Show' and for a moment he doesn't want to open the thing.

He wants to set in on fire, burn it, douse the ashes in lighter fluid, burn those, and final sprinkle what's left of the ash into the sewer system where it likely belongs.

Deftly he opened the top, still convinced something is going to explode in his face when he sees purple and green tissue paper.

Please God, whatever it is don't let it be something inappropriate or dead. Or some nauseating mixture of the two, on second thought burning it was sounding like the more rational approach to this situation.

Slowly, he parted the tissue paper and gazed inside. A card lay nestled inside on top of an object he couldn't identify yet. The card, in sloppy writing and what looked like lipstick-what was with this guy and makeup?- were the words 'Let me put a smile on that face'.

Dark eyes narrowed as Batman nudged the card to the side and looked fully upon a lasso. That was it. A lasso. Batman looked up at Commissioner Gordon who appeared to be as confused as the caped crusader.

However, it did get the gears in his head turning as Bruce puzzled over what it could mean. What significance did a lasso have? Was this to say he caught Owlman? Was there some sort of nefarious and dastardly plan where people were going to die by droves if he didn't hurry? Deciding it had something to do with the latter; he quietly closed the box and tucked it under his arm.

"I'll have this analyzed," he rasped out to Gordon with his concentration already back on the mad clown. "I'll let you know if it needs your attention."

"Or yours," Gordon supplied with a knowing look.

Batman turned to leave and caught more than one leering cop snickering to themselves. It wasn't funny. They were dealing with someone as equally likely to kill as to be the clown he dressed up as. Joker demonstrated a strange sense of hyper-awareness. Batman could see it from the times they had dealt with each other. No, something was going on. Joker took pleasure in killing, most times. There were one or two exceptions that he'd witnessed and those had left him as equally perturbed as when Joker went on his rampages.

No, this was…

Well, he wasn't sure what it was just yet, but he was very good at solving puzzles and this is what the 'case' with Joker had just become.

OoOoOo

He wasn't concerned about Dr. Quinzel. No, she was exactly the type of woman the Joker would have found. One that was a simple, hop, skip, and jump away from belonging in Arkham asylum instead of working there. He knew Joker, had studied him long enough to understand that Joker got some sick thrill out of proving that people were just like him. Which, it saddened Batman to accept that in some cases the murderous clown was completely correct. There was only so much the Dark Knight could do, and taking away the free will of others was not on the list.

Bruce Wayne had a legitimate reason for visiting this Insane Asylum anyway. His company made many large charitable donations each year, and there was nothing wrong with wanting to know what they had done with his millions of dollars. He was in his playboy persona. Bruce was all smiles, ease, and grace. Just the way he liked the world to see him as; some empty-headed trust fund baby without a care in the world.

It made things much simpler.

So therefore, he was there for a completely logical reason and not to scope out his competition. Because she wasn't his competition, never was or would be. And, he only cared at all because he wanted to warn her away from the dangerous path she was walking. Because that was Batman's duty and obligation so therefore Bruce had to oversee it with a burning passion.

He looked at her attractive figure, combined with her sweet face and her lovely blonde hair. Bruce disliked her immediately. She was supposed to be a doctor capable of withstanding the corruption of the criminally insane just as he did. Just as Gordon did. However, Batman reminded him that every situation was always far more complex than it seemed and Joker really was a force to be reckoned with.

"Dr. Quinzel," he flirted suavely, "how are you enjoying your position here at Arkham?"

The blonde smiled slightly, and a soft blush splayed across her cheeks. "Very much, thank you Mr. Wayne," she said shyly.

"Please, call me Bruce," he murmured as he brought her hand up to his lips for a chaste kiss across the back of it.

She giggled quietly to himself.

'_Yep, she has the crazy eyes_,' he thought to himself a little unkindly. However, Batman had seen more than his fair share of insane people and they all had a pretty similar look about the eyes. And he was seeing it right now in Dr. Quinzel.

Or as Joker had called her, Harley Quinn. '_Yeah, ha ha freaking ha_,' he thought with irritation.

He wasn't here for pleasantries, not really anyway though Bruce did love a bit of flirting now and again. No, he was here to see what this newest development in Joker's insanity could possibly mean for Gotham and by proxy, for Batman.

"Perhaps," he smiled winingly, "if you have time, you might give me the Grand Tour? So to speak anyway."

She didn't look too thrilled about the idea, and Batman couldn't help but echo the sentiments, but Bruce had a reputation to uphold. Damned if he wasn't going to do it now. The last thing he needed was tabloids screaming he'd lost his edge. He already had to deal with non-existent children, someone who claimed her was part of the 'New World Order', and some vague story about having spotted Sheepsquatch.

Actually, the last one hadn't been all that amusing. Gotham, a city he loved dearly, had the nasty habit of craning out the strangest things for him to fight. He already had Clayface, Croc, Penguin, Catwoman, and really did he need something like _Sheepman?_ The _Baaad-lamb_? _Ewe-ella_? Hm, he could actually work with that. How horrible did a name really have to be before he stopped taking it seriously?

If he looked at it strictly as a rhetorical question…

"I'm sorry Mr. Wayne, but I do have patients to attend to," Dr. Quinzel replied demurely.

Well he'd dodged a bullet there. He wasn't entirely sure he wanted to tour this place since he knew it forwards, backwards, and because it amused him… in French.

Strangely, he could still see glimpses of compassion in her eyes and face as she spoke of her patients. That gave Batman a moment's pause. She still had the crazy eyes, that hadn't changed, but she seemed oddly normal. At least by Arkham's standards, anyway. Bruce teetered on the edge of indecision. He could not allow the good doctor to fall into Joker's hands without warning her or attempting to save her at the very least.

Then again, the treacherous human nature side of him wondered how bad it could possibly be to let Joker obsess about some blonde vixen with a degree in psychiatry. Luckily the Dark Knight in him slapped him mentally hard across the cheek to remind him that anyone in the Joker's clutches was a bad thing and in 9 out of 10 cases would lead to someone's death.

Surprisingly it was never the Joker's. Really, he'd reign in his shock at the last one.

"Another time then?" It is a non-committal reply, the kind he gives a hundred times a day at his business. A feel-good cop-out and she responds with a polite head nod coupled with a fleeting smile of relief.

He waits until she is just out of sight, half hurrying across the nearly empty hallway before he slips into his other persona and goes hunting for the information he needs. There would be no more damned songs playing in corpses!

It doesn't take long or much effort to break into the Head psychiatrist office for the records he's looking for. Though he does notice with a slight groan that Joker's file is about four times the size of anyone else's' and he doesn't have the time to read it all right here. Bruce pulls his watch out from his suit sleeve and takes some pictures. He would have to wait until he was back at his computer to look over and decipher this brief glimpse into one of the Joker's proffered psyches. When he is finished, he places everything back as he found it. Down to the last detail and locks the room as he goes.

It was time to go back and look like a bored billionaire on a charity check.

Though it occurs to him later, as he walks from the Asylum, the Joker does not have horrendous taste in music.

OoOoOo

Awkwardness. Bruce had foolishly assumed he was over that at 15 years old. Apparently he's not as analyzes the lasso, box, and tissue paper for any unusual signs. They are all standard, noting special about them in the slightest. That is until he placed them under a black light. On the back of the card was a residue in the shape of human lips, and he doesn't have to guess whose. They are coated in what he's named 'Joker venom' which is highly toxic and has killed a few citizens in Gotham two years ago when Joker decided to go nuts and place them into an aerosolized version making a neruo-toxin gas.

Yeah, that had been a barrel of laughs that one.

That would have been strangely in character for the joker to try and kill him. That was part of their dynamic, no it was the '_For you Batsy'_ written in disappearing ink that bothered him

What the hell?


End file.
